| FML |
[09 Jun 2009|12:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Feist- Mushaboom |
] |
Seriously.
I'll be living in Smith Hall next year, which is not so bad after the initial shock. I can get used to a small cramped room as long as I have a cool roommate, right? This is where I wonder what the McNallys have done to piss off the universe so much. My roommate to be has no Facebook...or even a Myspace. I know this sounds really shallow and like I'm jumping to conclusions, but this is what happened last year. Sharon had no interest in online social networking, and coincidentally, no interest in real social networking either!
The whole reason I didn't move into an apartment was so I could have a better chance of meeting new people (primarily girls and primarily through my roommate). I'm just terrified that I'm going to get a nutcase who will scoff at my posters and whacky music and look down upon me for my lack of religious affiliation again. And *GASP* my immoral political and personal views. God forbid a 19 year old has "sleepovers" with her boyfriend of 3 years. GAH. I just want to start having mature grown-up friends who don't instantly judge me. I'm really worried that I'll have another year of being clammed up with another little girl who's afraid of really experiencing life. I just need a really good, new friend to kick me in the ass and tell me to get out and live!
In case you can't tell, I'm very dependent I guess. I just have some issues that I can't talk to my current peeps about.
|
|
| HEY HEY HEY |
[17 Apr 2009|12:57pm] |
|
<input ... ></input><input ... > OK guys,
I need your help! Send me some advertisements or fashion pieces that you find extremely offending. Please? I need them for a project I'm working on, but I keep finding the same images over and over.
Thanks!
<3Caity
|
|
| Caitlin is |
[06 Apr 2009|01:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pessimistic |
] |
Certainly feeling failure in her near future.
Stupid math. Stupid Caitlin. Stupid everything.
I just want to sleep in till too late and stay up all night laughing and crafting and being happy.
I want to surround myself in positivity and just get through all the crap while in a coma so I don't have to remember it.
Instead I'm just starting to feel numb all over.
|
|
|
[06 Jan 2009|10:51pm] |
|
I like girls, they rock. They are really hot sometimes, but sometimes not. They be bitchin.
|
|
|
[19 Dec 2008|05:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mates of State- Nature and the Wreck |
] |
Whenever you leave this unexplainable sudden sadness always comes with your departure. Even if it's for just these two weeks or even a couple of insignificant days. It's like a part of me is leaving with you, and it's my favorite part of myself. That part that is comfortable in its own skin and unafraid of anything. It's like the feeling that comes with the departure of family after a perfect vacation. All that time of just being happy with people who are happy with you just being there, and suddenly they're gone again. But I know we'll be together again in a couple weeks, and in the meantime we just have to try and enjoy our families as much as we enjoy each other :)
And I'm so worried about the fall already. Where am I living? Am I going to be able to work? Will I be able to balance all these things with trying to do marching band? I just want to have one of those things nailed down and decided already. And I've realized that this all needs to be figured out by mid-terms. If I set a deadline for myself, it's more likely to happen. I'm really leaning towards just foregoing the whole dorm thing next year though and just staying in an apartment. First off...over $1,000 more and it's all paid up front. Secondly, I really just want to live with people I know and be able to be comfortable where I'm living and not feel like I'm too loud or anything. It's hard to do that when your current roommate is ridiculously quiet, and anything above a whisper feels like I'm yelling compared to her. She is really sweet, but it's just getting sort of awkward.
Plus I want a bearded dragon =D Another reason for you to room with me, James! =P
Tomorrow I head back to Connecticut. My technical origin... but it really has been a long time since I've been there. Even longer since I've been there for Christmas! It really is strange to me how somewhere can grow so distant and foreign to you, but once you go back, it's still "home." Always.
That's why I never worry about you leaving for too long.
What a round about post =]
|
|
|
[16 Dec 2008|10:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
ZOMG I AM SO HAPPY
I got my first 4.0 GPA EVER! =D I am really proud of myself. I've never been focused enough or felt even smart enough to accomplish that, and I finally did it! And yeah...half of my classes were pretty easy. But they weren't just easy-A classes. I'm pretty sure there were some people who didn't know what was going on half the time.
But yeah...WOOO!! So now I get to really relax for the rest of winter break and go back to Tallahassee in January with a pretty sturdy ground beneath my feet (grade-wise). This has boosted my confidence so much. I can't wait to tackle next semester =]
|
|
| Something's Missing |
[14 Oct 2008|12:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lucky-Jason Mraz |
] |
I want to dance and run around and push myself too far and get upset over something important to me...
I miss guard...it was a mistake to decide I didn't have the time or money for it anymore. I'm realizing, however lame it may be, that was me. That's who I am. I love practicing and getting disgusting and sweaty every night for one day of getting all dolled up and performing my ass off for just three and a half minutes of a lime light. I loved smiling or frowning or faking any emotion requested for a total stranger to judge. I miss impressing people with a skill that may be obscure to most.
I really miss dancing and at least pretending to be good at it. There's this rush that comes with performance and I really miss it. Even if it did sort of kick my ass last year and made me hurl during or after some performances...but it was soooo worth it. If I had to put up with puking after every show (which if you know me at all, you know I abhor it) I would. Just for guard. I'm having an epiphany (a little late, I know) that I'd really do anything for it. Nothing gets my heart like guard does, once I start it there's no turning back. It just makes everything else go away and for three and a half minutes I'm someone else.
I miss the friendships that emerge from guard...even if most of them didn't last, those were the best friends I've ever had. They shaped me into the person I am today. And you know what? I'm not grown yet...I need more shaping! I need more guard! Gah!
Balls. That is all.
|
|
| HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT!? |
[31 Aug 2008|04:46pm] |
I have a job at the Mellow Mushroom starting tomorrow! =D
COME BUY PIZZAS FROM ME K?
I'll be the girl PUTTING PEOPLE IN THEIR DAMN SEATS-DAMN STRAIGHT.
Pizza=Hardcore, btw.
|
|
| Goodbye Melbourne |
[21 Aug 2008|12:24am] |
It is officially my last day living in Melbourne Florida. Friday morning I leave to discover what Tallahassee has to offer me.
I am terrified. And scared. And sad. And excited...
It's an adventure...I won't be afraid anymore. I was born for this.
Wish me luck, and don't hesitate to call me about visiting some weekend. I have a foam bed for you under my loft bed =]
<3!
|
|
| Shit shit you guys... |
[28 Jul 2008|11:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Crap |
] |
I just got nostalgic about Melbourne. I didn't see that coming.
I really really want to do something fun and happy and memorable before I leave. I feel like I haven't seen all these people that I've been so close to and that really sucks. I don't know why that is...and maybe we don't even have to get into it or try to "resolve" anything. Is there a possibility that these last four weeks can be fun with nobody getting moody or dramatic?
I miss hanging out with people listening to bad music. But everything other than the music is so good, that Britney Spears sounds like and accomplished singer. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else...but for some reason it does to me.
Blah blah blah...That is all.
|
|
| Le Sigh... |
[23 Jul 2008|09:32pm] |
|
I don't think I've ever felt so conflicted in my life.
Every time I convince myself that I'll take a year off from guard I get hooked again. I swear...it's like a drug! I stay clean for a few weeks, maybe even a whole month, then it's "Here Caitlin, why don't you teach them how to do half pop tosses." Then all of a sudden I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to save up a thousand dollars for fees and even more for weekly transportation to Gainesville.
I thought a year off wouldn't be too bad and it would give me time to save money and recollect myself and get ready for a guard that is seriously going to kick my ass. But then I think about people who truly love it and don't take a single day off from guard let alone consider a year off okay. But at the same time, it's already been tough getting myself to Tallahassee and I don't want to run any risks off leaving before I get to FSU.
GAGAGAGAGAGA...plus I have this fear of being inactive for a whole year and getting really fat and out of shape. Even if I do something other than guard I feel like my heart won't be in it as much.
=[ I vote boo...and I don't even know to what.
|
|
| Graduating and swimming with sharks. |
[06 Jun 2008|11:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
Ok....I seriously dislike livejournal right now. It makes me feel really dumb just because I can't post a few stinking pictures...so just follow the link to photobucket (unless that doesn't work either).
....just in case it doesn't: http://s295.photobucket.com/albums/mm129/CMinfinity12/
Umm....so just to shorten the entry I've re-written three times before deleting: it's been a pretty good summer so far. I really enjoyed having some time with my McFamily =]
I'm off to Tallahassee today for my orientation tomorrow. WOO! And I'll be back late Friday night. Let's have some adventures when I get home, this summer needs a kick start now!
I'm out!
<3
|
|
| COMPLETO! |
[16 Mar 2008|11:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NPR |
] |
“Farewell to Arms” She had only just woken up when she realized that something was amiss. That "something" happened to be her arms. She had intended to enjoy her morning routine. A stretch, a pat of her hair, a brush of her teeth, a use of her arms.
Surprisingly, unlike any normal human being, she didn't panic. She didn't cry out or blame God; she just sat and looked down at the void where her arms once resided. There were no scars or marks to prove how they had vanished. It was as if sometime in the middle of the night, they had quietly rolled out of bed, as if it was a one night stand.
She was heartbroken. Finally, a somber tear rolled down her face. "I thought what we had was special." She didn't feel like an amputee or a victim of any sort. She simply felt as though her companions of so many years had broken up with her. After an hour or so of moping, she picked her chin off the ground and headed out the door. She was already half an hour late for work and hadn’t gotten a chance to attempt to shower, but she made her way to the Moe’s Mannequin Mill. “Did you get a new haircut?” they queried. “Maybe its contacts…I swear you had glasses once,” they considered. None of her co-workers seemed to notice the huge void on her torso. They walked by smiling, trying to get her to cheer up for a problem they didn’t even realize. “Well its only hair, it always grows back you know.” Once she got to her post, things just got worse. Every plastic arm that passed by on the conveyer belt just created another empty lump of sorrow in her throat. She looked down at her legs on the stool as they shook with jealousy over her remorse. “I’m sorry. I really am grateful to still have you guys but it’s just not the same. I can’t eat cereal with you!” Her legs kicked out from underneath her in defeat and she broke down and sobbed, now without even her knees to wipe her tears. Finally she talked her legs into walking again and left work early. Roaming the town, an armful of memories passed through her mind. The arcade where they had spent so many Sunday afternoons, the glove store they loved to peruse, the café. That was the hardest to see. She brought herself to blink back tears and find a window seat. They had come here to enjoy delicious sandwiches and caffeinated beverages every chance they had. She recalled how her fingers would wriggle with excitement at the sight of a turkey wrap landing in front of her. The contentment they presented resting on her full belly after the meal had ended. With her chin on the table top she wondered about what she had done wrong. It had been a while since she had given them a manicure but she didn’t realize they were so materialistic. The bell above the door rang and something in her heart brought her to look up. A peculiar sight to her, a pair of legs walked in on their own. She didn’t stop to question how they had managed to open the door as she followed their path suspiciously with her eyes. They hopped up on a chair and looked lovingly across to their companion opposite them. She had to know who a pair of legs would meet in a café. She walked around the trash can that blocked her view and gasped at her deserting arms. “How could you! You couldn’t even leave me a note! Who is this? You’re replacing me? When did you even meet? I knew I shouldn’t have let you on the internet for so long.” Her legs trembled with anger, even they felt betrayed. Her arms looked to their new significant others and back to their rightful owner and shrugged their hands. “So this is it? After all we’ve been through, you quit on me now. You’ll be sorry.” She tried to convince herself of those last words and let her condescending limbs pat her on the waist as they exited with their new sleazy legs. She just stood there in disbelief as she watched her best friends scuttle away. As she turned away from the door to try and figure out what to do next, the bell rang again. In her heart she knew it wasn’t them but she had lost control of her legs. They pulled her to turn around quickly. “What has gotten into you? Don’t boss me!” She heard a small gasp come from the door and looked up. There he was rolling in on a skateboard, legless and charming. He pulled himself up to her and they just stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. “Hi. I’m armless.” “I’m legless. It’s nice to meet you.” They couldn’t help but chuckle at the unfortunate irony of their encounter. “Would you like to sit down with me for a little while? It’s been a rough day and I have a feeling you’d understand.” Her eyes lit up for the first time all day as she accepted. He gently grabbed a hold of her leg and she helped him roll back to her table. In return, he pulled out her chair for her and helped her eat her beloved turkey wrap. Hope had returned to her life and she finally felt complete, even without those hussies of arms.
|
|
| Work in Progress |
[02 Dec 2007|09:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Falling or Flying- Grace Potter and the Nocturnals |
] |
She had only just woken up when she realized that something was amiss. That "something" happened to be her arms. She had intended to enjoy her morning routine. A stretch, a pat of her hair, a brush of her teeth, a use of her arms.
Surprisingly, unlike any normal human being, she didn't panic. She didn't cry out or blame God, she just sat and looked down at the void where her arms once resided. There were no scars or marks to prove how they had vanished. It was as if sometime in the middle of the night, they had quietly rolled out of bed, as if it was a one night stand.
She was heartbroken. Finally, a somber tear rolled down her face. "I thought what we had was special." She didn't feel like an amputee or a victim of any sort. She simply felt as though her companions of 17 years had broken up with her.
I have more but I'm not attached to it. Any suggestions for what to happen next? A TWIST? I'm open to comments and suggestions =]
<3Caitlin
|
|
| "There is always hope." |
[28 Nov 2007|06:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
Though it feels like there isn't much right now, it's true.
I didn't get in. But they didn't say no. I have to get my math score on the SAT up 50 points, and just prove that my GPA improves by February. Then they'll make a final decision. So, I'm planning on focusing like my life depends on it, not applying to UCF (it's not an alternative option), and getting myself the crappiest dorm they have left.
I'm going to need a lot of happy thoughts, prayer, motivational speech, pats on the back, hugs (whichever you prefer) between now and then.
I should be thankful for getting a maybe, and I am. Believe me, I thought I was actually going to vomit when I read that I didn't get in. But part of me just feels like I've disappointed not only myself but everyone who believed in me and told me I could do it. No one had a doubt that I wouldn't be a shoe-in. I even thought I was in.
I just need to focus on the good and let go of the bad. I can't bother myself with everyone else's problems. And I know that makes me sound like a terrible person, but I really can't handle this anymore. I'll surround myself with people who have stood by me and helped me through this. Everyone else can suck it and go to BCC...I get angry at others when I'm upset with myself.
So the countdown continues through February.
<3Caitlin
|
|
| Hoorah for freaking out! |
[25 Nov 2007|12:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
John Mayer- Gravity |
] |
Three days. Three little days until I find out about whether or not I got into FSU. I'll either be happier than anything for the rest of the year, knowing that I have somewhere to go next year, or I'll be freaking out about where else I could possibly even want to go.
I'm trying that whole positive thinking deal, but I can't help but worry. It's sort of in my nature. I just want to know where I'm going in three days. I'm ready to have something to celebrate. Something that I've accomplished entirely on my own.
Plus, I revised that damn essay over 5 times...it better have been worth it =p
Rawr -_-
|
|
| I need |
[19 Nov 2007|04:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
to write more...give me some random topics, yo?
=]
|
|
| Last update: 82 weeks ago. |
[04 Nov 2007|02:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
aka Epic fail.
Hello Live Journal! It's been a while...
I've been neglecting my blog, and I'm ending it now. Because all of a sudden, I'm feeling inspired. And it's probably the best time to feel that way. If things don't go the way I plan in the next 3 and a half weeks, I'm going to need to be majorly enlightened in order to not simply stop breathing.
It's days like this that I wish I didn't have responsibility. Which is ironic because my parents working out in the yard is what inspired this thought. And by responsibility, I mean to other people/institutions rather than myself and my family. The dust in my house is making me sniffley and all I want to do is go outside and pick up leaves and pull weeds with the rents...does that make me strange? Yes =]
Just to further emphasize my point, my dad just walked in and handed me three flowers from outside, suggesting that I should go pick some to make a lei...
Damn this vile imprisonment....I can't wait to leave. I want to go live out in the woods somewhere right now. And just enjoy how beautiful everything is.
I'm feeling pretty happy again. And I'm going to try and appreciate the friends I do have here while we're still together. Because these next few months will go by faster than we all know...and it won't be until then that we actually realize that we'll miss each other.
<3Caitlin
PS: If you read this...it was probably a pretty pointless venture =]
|
|
|
[19 Jun 2005|09:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Let down |
] |
You know what? I'm sick of this. If you guys really hate my new friends, well that's just too bad. You didn't even give them a chance. And you know what else? They're really great people. They've been there for me through my toughest times this year. I'm just sorry that you all couldn't just stop judging people for one night and realize that. I thought everyone was above judging people on their clothing and taste in music. But I guess not. This public online journal is really a crappy place to talk about them too. It's really low.
There. I said it.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
knitty_girl's journal
BUNNY!